The way that life is moving forward is making me sick to my stomach. I am playing out scenarios in my head of all the ways I can fuck this up...I am not ready to move forward, not willing to stay here and the idea of falling behind keeps me up at night. The sum of fears is that I know in my head that I am not the same person I am in my heart. I am far to bad a liar to convince you that this is what I wanted. I talk shit to hear my own voice don't believe a word I say, not even if I'm looking you in the face. As for future plans I'll make them knowing that at ever turn I'll break them along with the promises I make just to save face until I wind up in the middle of this maze ,in the corners of my mind there are clear thoughts but I can't reach them ...always hitting a wall. I am a hypocrite in the worst fashion and I am scared to death that they will find out.
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