midnight blues and sober four a.m.

I ask him if his head is in a fog, he shakes his head no and says he is thinking more clearly than he was a while ago. The light is so bright in here that I have to squint my eyes; the clock on the hospital wall says its 4a.m. The doctor says that they are going to keep him over night, I wonder if my mom knows I'm gone so in my head I start to mentally prepare for that fight. He interrupts my thoughts and says that he can read me like a book and not to worry he is going to be all right, good he has mistaken my look for concern, but why should I be I know that he will never learn. The smell is making me sick, he tells his sister to take me home, what a relief I have to remember to thank her later. Before I tell him goodbye I ask him why he just smiles and says that he has a case of the midnight blues I smile back and say goodbye only this time it’s different because I know that I meant it. He’s a mudslide taking everyone down. In the car all his sister talks about is what a close call it was, I just nod my head and catch myself thinking about how easy life would be if things would have went the other way, what a harsh thought ,but I don't feel too bad because I know that he never had the intention it was just a call for attention. I wish that I could make them all see that it was not a last resort or a cry for help it was just a memo letting the world know that he is still fucked up. I climb threw my window find salvage in a shower, plaster on a smile and wait for the day to recycle. -Meagan