Everyone knows the house always wins.

There once was a boy who fell in love with a girl who lived in a house of cards. He loved her as much as she let him, but much to the boy's dismay she was cold and pushed him away, kept him separate from the rest of her world filed away and deemed their relationship to clandestine to share. She faked emotions and flashed him a smile when her frown reveled to much . The boy never doubted that she loved him and that he loved her and now he looks back and often wonders if is was just a delusion he had imagined while trying to breath life into something that was never really alive. In the end the boy began to slip, unravel and second guess. The girl felt sorry for the boy, because he had never asked for this. So no one wins the boy left with what little bit he had left of his heart and the girl sits in her house of cards waiting for its enviable fall. While she sits and she waits she will let you in on a little secret, she loved the boy and she often wonders if a simple I love you to would have saved him? Apologies were never her forte, but hopefully it will put his mind to rest to know that the self proclaimed queen of hearts is just a girl who never had one.

I'm getting use to it, I have to get use to it.

things are bright outside and I curse the sun as I crawl back under my rock. I'm not unhappy nor content, numb afraid that I won't be able to keep it in much longer , there is a strong gust of wind threatening my house of cards. I digress because in true flaky fashion I will hold on until the last card falls. trust me when I say its not as charming as it all sounds I am tiptoeing around situations. I want to no longer lose sleep thinking about my shortcomings and mistakes. and future fuck ups. I want the world in my head sort of, even in there I am fucked -up just less lonely.